So today was pretty uneventful for the most part. I went to an Email Campaign meeting from 8:30 to 10:30. The strange part about that was that I was not originally invited to that meeting. I was left out of a group of which I was an original member. When it all went down a few weeks ago, I was kind of bitter, but today it was just kind of awkward. I don’t think I’ll attend any future meetings. My time would probably be better wasted in my office.
Lunch time after that. Chatted with Mike on the computer. He’s in Lake Orion for a couple of days visiting his folks. Some of the only free days that he has off. He works so much. He went to Starbucks to work on some stuff for Dr. Eke and drink some free coffee. It was nice to chat with him, even though we had a small argument over vacation time and stuff. But that was resolved and we’ll try to work things out. I’m so excited that I will be going to see him this weekend. I looked at my calendar and realized that I have all of next week off for the 4th of July holiday. I’ll probably stay in Mt. Pleasant until Tuesday, then just come back here and tidy up for the following weekend when Mike and Stacy come for a visit. I will also try to get some studying done. That should be good and productive.
The biggest drama came at the end of the day. We had sort of a “staff meeting” to discuss our goals for the coming year in terms of recruitment and the types of students we should be going after and what we should do to accomplish those goals. Really great conversation. I miss staff meetings–the chance to engage and discuss issues with my colleagues.
At the end of the meeting, I think someone mentioned politics or something and Andrew was like, “I don’t like talking about controversial issues.” I was so flabbergasted: What had been said that put him off so much. This is something that I have seen a lot from him. He doesn’t seem to like to talk about anything “controversial” or outside of his comfort zone, almost to an absurd degree. I am completely exasperated over it. I have talked to no less than three of my colleagues about this.
After the meeting, at around 4:30, I went into Kat’s office to see if she wanted to chat about this. Kat is definitely the therapist in our office (oh, btw, she told me that she was thinking about applying to go and get her Masters in Counseling this coming up year starting in January!). People feel so comfortable going to her and talking about just about anything. This time was no exception.
She posited some very valid arguments, chief among them being that maybe Andrew is intimidated by me and my willingness to engage people so (seemingly) fearlessly on controversial issues. And this might be hard for him b/c of his background and what he knows and might not be comfortable talking about something with which he has such little experience. He might also be afraid that he’s going to come off judgmental. I would look at Andrew as being some who’s pretty steadfast and convicted in his beliefs and I would be no threat in unseating any of those beliefs, but that was an argument that came out of Kat’s and my conversation. That was a really good talk. We chatted for about an hour and a half!
I was determined to get to the bottom of this so I write Andrew and email and it went something like this:
Hey Andrew,
I hope that this finds you doing well and having a great evening. I wanted to ask you something really quick, and you’re free to say no if you like.
I have been thinking about this for a while and kept trying to dismiss it, but my curiosity got the best of me. After our “staff meeting” today you said something about not liking to talk about controversial issues. I respect your stance, especially when there are so many views floating around out there that one might not want to step on any toes. But if you don’t mind me saying, I feel like I don’t know you that well. In an office culture where we emphasize family and getting to know our co-workers better, I feel like I have not done a great job. Also in the spirit of diversity (in its myriad forms), I am very interested in learning from others and celebrating differences.
I know that certain issues can be hard to talk about especially if we are afraid of offending for lack of experience or ability to articulate. But I feel like if we come together with a mutual understanding that discussion about differences can bring personal growth and understanding, we needn’t worry about offending anyone. I also know that our office is unique in that the line becomes blurry when it comes to appropriate conversations in the workplace. I am willing to speak with you outside of work if that works better for you. My goal is not to make anything more awkward than it already is, I just want to come to a better understanding about who you are, where you’re coming from, and how we might be able to become better colleagues and friends.
If this is something that you’d like to pursue, great! Just let me know and maybe we can go and get coffee sometime soon–my treat! If this makes you way too uncomfortable to discuss any further, I’ll understand that, too. I just need some sort of acknowledgment that you’ve read this email and what your decision is.
Thanks so much for your consideration. Have a great night and see you in the office 
–Travis
(PS) I think that this email would be torn apart during the Email Campaign critiques…lol..way too long 
I’m interested to see if he responds and what he will say. If he does grant me an audience, I really want to get some good answers out of him as to what his thought processes are and where his belief system comes from and if he does have beef with me (ie, he’s homophobic). I’ll let you know what I find out.
Filed under: gay, grad school, relationships | Tagged: Andrew, colleagues, controversy, gay, grad school, homophobia, Kat, mike, office
